Happen to stumble across something I had written a few years back. More than 2 yrs back infact. It is my first piece of blog on myself. . written when i had no idea what blog meant.
Here it goes. . .
hey,
have u ever had the feeling that u had given up on something just when u were about to reach there? in case u havent, let me tell u. it is a pretty disgusting feeling.
i was just an ordinary girl. scored well in school. was pretty active in college. i am a foodie and i am paying the price. i am a bit overweight but i dont have a problem with that. i would say i look chubby in a healthy way.
i was happy with the way i am. i was nice, funny, good to be with and had a bunch of great friends. but some how i began to feel insecure. i thought i was not gettting wat i deserve and that others are being rewarded for my work. things went wrong frm there. i didnt know wat was actually happening.if i had i would have felt better. the truth was i was being watched and was regarded as an efficient person. i was even nominated to head a group.
but there again things went wrong. i knew there were others who were more capable of doing things than me as far as the group was concerned. that was a fact and i accepted it and told my seniors. they were still with me. said they knew i can do it. behind the stage something else was happening. many people said that they wont listen to a girl even if she was a head. come on think of it. i have beleived my whole entire life that i wont give up to any sort of gender discrimination but i did. i am not sorry for turning that offer. i am sorry for not taking it because i had little faith in me. eligible people got the position and i am happy with that. but i lost my confidence.
i had lost faith in myself. and it was a serous matter. i couldnt trust any one. you know what, it took me a lot of time just to accept that whatever has happened i am responsible for that. the whole thing affected me greatly. i was going through some very tense moment in my personal life and seemed lost, unable to handle anything. i lost a lot of time, a lot of good realtionships, scores went down. i paid dearly for letting myself down.
now. i have decided to accept my self and move ahead. i am working on regaining my fighting spirit. i am working on my relations and i am working on myself. there is always room for improvement, right? now i know how harmful it can be, not to trust oneself. i wont make that mistake again.
Reading this again. . made me smile. . .i do sound a bit depressive and a lot kiddish. . but dat writing was cute and damn honest. . heheh